Writing with Clarity and Concreteness - Making Your Message Stick

This post is part of a series exploring key insights from Bryan A. Garner’s “HBR Guide to Better Business Writing.” Each segment transforms highlighted concepts into practical, actionable advice for improving your business communication.

Introduction

Think about the business messages that have truly influenced your thinking or behavior. Chances are they shared two essential qualities: clarity and concreteness.

According to Garner, “Concrete business writing is persuasive because it’s evidence-based, clear, and memorable.” In contrast, vague, abstract writing tends to be quickly forgotten or, worse, misunderstood.

This segment explores how to craft messages that not only get read but also get remembered and acted upon.

We’ll examine practical techniques for achieving crystal-clear expression, using concrete details to make your writing memorable, and structuring documents for maximum impact.

The Power of Clarity

Garner makes a compelling observation: “People who don’t want to commit make their writing muddy.” Unclear writing often stems from unclear thinking or reluctance to take a firm position. But in business, clarity isn’t just a virtue—it’s a necessity.

Judging Clarity from the Reader’s Perspective

The first rule of clarity is to judge it from the reader’s standpoint, not your own. Ask yourself: “Can my readers possibly misunderstand or misinterpret what I’ve written?”

Here are concrete steps to enhance clarity:

1. Control your sentence length Research shows that readable sentences average no more than 20 words. Longer sentences become harder to process and remember.

Practical Application:

• Aim for an average sentence length of 15-20 words
• Vary sentence length for rhythm, but keep most sentences relatively short
• With every sentence, ask yourself: “Can I say this more briefly?”

2. Define terms strategically When using specialized terminology, don’t try to define each term in the sentence where it first appears. This creates bulky, difficult-to-process text.

Better approach:

• Use a separate section for definitions if necessary
• Define terms only when essential for understanding
• Consider whether jargon is needed at all

3. Be specific enough Vague generalities rarely persuade. Instead, provide enough specific detail to lead readers to draw their own conclusions.

Example: Instead of: “Our service will save you money.” Try: “Our service has saved similar clients an average of $12,500 annually through reduced processing time and lower error rates.”

The Art of Concreteness

Abstract writing relies on general concepts and broad claims. Concrete writing uses specific examples and sensory details that readers can easily visualize and remember.

Making Your Message Tangible

1. Use concrete details instead of abstract claims

When marketing consulting services, don’t just tell potential clients you’ll save them money. Instead:

• State how much money you’ve saved others
• List the specific time-consuming tasks you’ll handle
• Name the hospitals and medical centers you’ve worked with
• Include testimonials with specific benefits clients have experienced

2. Tell stories Stories are naturally chronological and engaging. They give abstract concepts a human context that readers can relate to.

Step-by-step approach to effective narrative:

• Create a chronology of relevant events before writing
• Include only relevant facts
• Present events in chronological order
• Avoid unnecessary dates and details

3. Use active voice Active voice creates stronger, more direct statements that clearly show who is doing what.

Compare: Passive: “The deadline was missed by the team.” Active: “The team missed the deadline.”

Active voice creates clearer accountability and more direct communication.

Structuring for Impact

Even the clearest writing fails if readers can’t quickly find what they need. Proper structure within the document ensures our key points stand out.

Front-loading Important Information

1. Write strong summaries A good summary is focused and specific—and it appears at the beginning of your document. It gets to the point immediately and lays the foundation for what follows.

Practical approach:

• Summarize each paragraph or section with a sentence that captures who, what, when, where, why, and how
• Use these sentences to build your overall summary
• Answer the questions people will have when they open your document

2. Use descriptive subheadings Break up documents with concise, descriptive subheads to increase readability and help readers quickly locate information.

Guidelines for effective subheads:

• Make them informative—not just decorative
• Keep them concise
• Use parallel structure (similar grammatical patterns)
• Include a “Summary” subhead to point readers to highlights

3. Connect ideas smoothly Smooth writing consists of well-joined sentences and paragraphs, not a mere collection of them.

Transition techniques:

• Establish time sequences: then, after, meanwhile, finally
• Add or underscore points: moreover, indeed, in fact
• Set up contrasts: however, conversely, despite
• Provide examples: for instance, in particular

Trimming the Fat

Excess words dilute your message. Garner advises: “Remove all the words that aren’t performing a real function.”

Practical Trimming Techniques

1. Delete unnecessary prepositions

• Change “April of 2023” to “April 2023”
• Change “point of view” to “viewpoint”

2. Replace -ion words with verbs

• Change “was in violation of” to “violated”
• Change “provided protection to” to “protected”

3. Replace weak verbs with stronger ones

• Change “was hanging” to “hung”
• Change “is indicative of” to “indicates”

4. Eliminate padding phrases

• Replace “in terms of” with “about” or nothing
• Replace “the purpose of” with “to” or “for”

Key Takeaways

• Judge clarity from the reader’s perspective – if they can misunderstand, they will.
• Control sentence length – aim for an average of 15-20 words per sentence.
• Use concrete details instead of abstract claims to make your writing persuasive.
• Tell stories to make concepts relatable and memorable.
• Front-load important information with strong summaries and descriptive subheadings.
• Trim excess words to sharpen your message.

Action Plan

• Conduct a “clarity audit” on a recent document: Highlight any sentence over 25 words and rewrite it.
• Replace abstract claims in your next proposal with concrete details and specific examples.
• Create a chronology before writing your next narrative-based communication.
• Practice writing summaries that answer the 5 W’s (who, what, when, where, why) and how.
• Develop a “trimming checklist” with common wordy phrases you tend to use and their concise alternatives.

Reflection Questions

1. Which of your regular communications would benefit most from increased concreteness?
2. How might you incorporate more narratives into your business writing?
3. What are your “pet” wordy phrases that could be trimmed for greater impact?
4. How could better document structure help your readers find what they need more efficiently?
5. In what situations might you need to balance concreteness with brevity?

In our final segment, we’ll explore how to perfect your prose through attention to tone, grammar, and language choice—the polish that makes your writing not just effective but exceptional.

Jump to Part 4 - Perfecting Your Prose - Fine-tuning Grammar, Tone, and Format for Maximum Impact

This content represents my own analysis and interpretation of concepts from Bryan A. Garner’s “HBR Guide to Better Business Writing. For the complete experience and the full depth of these ideas, I highly recommend purchasing and reading the original book.